Yesterday was a rough day. I was waist deep in all the feels, and most of them weren't the fun ones.
As much as I wanted to, I didn't try to push them away or pretend they didn't exist. In my experience that makes me sick and doesn't work anyways.
I just gave myself extra love and attempted to sit with each emotion, without judgement, and just watch them float by like clouds.
I'm a person that feels the feels very deeply. Sometimes this freaks people out. I'm expressive and it's important to me to communicate with full honesty and transparency.
Very strong emotions can feel like they're hijacking every cell in my body. So learning to just sit and fully experience them without needing to act or "fix it" is something I'm actively working to improve.
Based on yesterday and today, I believe I'm making great strides here.
On to today. I'm feeling worlds better! How? Here's what I did.
Habits and Routines
First thing I did was focus on my habits and routines. I've been letting them slip recently as I've had a lot of big life changes, but I know that I function at my optimum when I maintain my consistent healthy habits.
My habits and routines keep me grounded and provide me a great amount of comfort.
Every habit and routine has been specifically crafted just for me and is tied directly to my larger projects, goals, aspirations and foundations of who I want to be as a person. I don't need to put a lot of thought into whether I'm doing the right thing each day as I know deeply that these daily actions are core to my being.
Water and Sunshine
Next thing I did was go for a swim. In the sun and the fresh air. I don't know about you, but there's nothing quite like water and some vitamin D to cleanse me from negative "stuff". Pool, lake, beach, bath, shower, I'll take 'em.
The other thing I did, and maybe the most important, was LAUGH.
I had a literal laugh out loud with myself and it felt sooooooo good. I realized that I am such a silly, tiny little human sometimes, when my experiences feel so overwhelming and I can't see anything else. How silly, truly.
I have great love and compassion for myself at these times. I just wrap myself in a giant psychological fluffy blanket, give myself a warm hug and have a nice little giggle.
It's easy to take our experiences so seriously. I've found a great benefit from taking a step back, gaining some perspective and introducing some lightness into my heart. Nothing lasts forever. This too shall pass. There's a bigger, better path for me. One that I could never imagine or plan for myself.
Laugh and dance through a field. Wear a flowy dress and pick flowers. Smile at a cute boy. Wonder at the miracle of a new baby, or a puppy or a small child. Learn something new. Softly cup your face in your hands, smile and give yourself all the love you would a lover.
My life has been absolutely filled to the brim with magic recently and in the last year. I've seen miracles happen.
I've experienced pure exctasy and deep connected love. I've created music that gave me goosebumps over every part of my body. I've breathed the ocean air and felt the wind whip through my being.
I've found a stability and deep rooted confidence in what I do and I wake up excited about that every day. I have the ability to help others realize their dreams and I play a part in the joy of others every day of my life.
Recently I've made myself small.
I love deeply and it brings me incredible joy to share that love. Sometimes that makes people uncomfortable. I don't like making people uncomfortable. I try to take on their emotions and fix everything.
So I make myself small. I keep my feelings to myself. I temper my emotions. I try to take responsibility for both myself and for other people's emotions. I worry.
I realize this isn't my problem. My actions are guided by genuine love, for me, for those around me, for the world around us.
If I feel love I'm going to share it. As big and scary and unpredictable as that may seem to people.
I can't make myself small because other people aren't ready.
I'm going to expand my world, grow, meet new people, feel all the feels, be active, learn new things, be open to all the possibilities that life has in store, explore every part of this beautiful world with innocence and wonder and release control to the universe. Lay in the grass and let the ladybugs crawl all over me.
I have no idea what's next but that fills me with a thrill. I'm sure it will come along with joy, love, devastation, uncertainty, wonder and surprises.
Through it all, no matter what comes, I will hold my soul with a tenderness and smile at my heart with light and sweetness. Cherishing the the simple things and reminding myself not to take anything too seriously.